What's the funniest thing you taught a kid to do?

donkeypuke · 1 year

Maybe not the funniest, but, years and years ago, I convinced a my roommate's very young brother to not call Spongebob Squarepants by that name, but instead to use "Absorbent-Robert Rhombus-trousers". he actually used it when referencing the cartoon or singing along with the theme song.

45441 · 1 year

Taught a 3-year-old to announce to everyone "I'm just gunna slip into something more comfortable..." whenever it was time for his pajamas.

TheRealStick · 1 year

I taught my friend's two-year-old brother to yell "It's a trap!" every time she told him to do something.

Kalima · 1 year

We used to mark our heights on our bedroom doors on our birthdays. The day before my little sister's birthday, I erased her one from last year and raised it. She cried for hours, thinking she had shrunk.

DarthOzz · 1 year

Dropped in for an hour with my GF's friends with 2 little ones. I'm still in the 'getting to know' you phase with them so I'm being polite, making funny faces at their son (approx 1.5-2 yr old). He apparently takes a liking to me and comes over to play.

So he bring me his little red ball and his Mom informs me this is his favorite toy that he carries around all the time. It falls out of his hand and drops on the floor so I pick it up and hand it back to him. He in turn drops it back in my lap so I hand it back and this goes on for a few minutes with him having a blast the entire time.

He's sitting on the floor so I decide to toss it into his lap and he attempts to do the same but has little child motor skills and it drops out of his hand. I then proceeded for the next 20 minutes to slowly teach him how to throw it to me and he's now giggling and laughing and having so much fun. I'm thinking..."Hey, hopefully I score a few points with the friends with this entertaining their son!".

Fast forward 1 week later and my GF calls me to inform me that her friend's son's new favorite past time is to pick up anything in the house his little hands can get around and throw it as far as he can hitting the walls, electronics, whatever.

Feel a little bad for their home but I can't help but smile every time I think about it :)

BuddyCop · 1 year

My former babysitter's kid now believes that he is a robot, and robots get stronger by finishing their dinner. We even taught him to "robot five".

parsimonious · 1 year

I taught my girlfriend's nephew how to make himself burp.

Well, I should say I tried to teach him. He was practicing around his mom and vomited all over her shoes.

Koolaid77 · 1 year

I apparently taught my 3 year old son to curse like a shameless sailor.

I was out driving one day with him in the back strapped into a car seat, some guy in a full sized truck cut in front almost hitting us. I yelled out "Jesus Christ!" a few quiet moments went by and my son straight faced, calmly asked "Don't you mean Jesus Fucking Christ, Dad? In between laughing and trying to keep on the road I attempted to admonish him but knew he had at some point heard it from me. HE HAD LEARNED IT FROM ME!

blackheartededitor · 1 year

I taught my kid brother to run down the street after the ice cream truck, then when it stopped, to just keep on running. Used to crack me consistently up.

CosmicMocha · 1 year

I taught my 1 year old niece to go "PSHAW" anytime someone started talking. I also taught her how to eat like a dog out of her own hand (this was unintentional, she just saw me do it one day).

One day her parents caught her eating popcorn out of her hand and scolded her. Her response was "PSHAW".

I was across the room thinking, "my work here is done. >:D"

EDIT: Forgot to add that quite a bit of popcorn spittle can fly out of one's mouth when the phrase "PSHAW" is uttered.

wilsonh915 · 1 year

The reason you're getting headaches is that you're eating the ice cream too slowly.

shadus · 1 year

I taught my 2 year old who was just learning to speak clearly to to put his foot up on his baby chair and raise a fist in the air and yell "blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne" which was entirely hysterical with his slight mispronunciations. Of course like 6mo after I started this little 'exercise' my S.O. goes to get him from preschool... > : ) the preschool teacher was horrified... my s.o. was mortified... and I'm still laughing.

I feel I have now succeeded as a parent.

RecurringBassist · 1 year

When my sister was about 3, and I an awkward goofy 14 year old, I decided she needed to know about the middle finger gesture. So I showed her how to stick up her middle finger and taught her the corresponding phrase "fuck you." I wanted to make sure she understood the relationship between the phrase and the gesture, so I would show her the middle finger and ask "what do you say?" To this she would appropriately answer "fuck you." This of course delighted my adolescent sense of humor to no end.

Later that evening, my grandparents came over for dinner. The family gathered around the table and began to pass food around. My sister asked my grandfather for the potatoes. My grandfather, trying of course to instill good manners in his young granddaughter, asked her "what do you say?" Rather than the expected "please" from my sister, she perks up, beams from ear to ear, gives him the finger, and says "fuck you granddaddy!"

AspenLiselle · 1 year

I taught a 3 year old to yell "BALLS TO THE WALL" whenever a rock song came on...he's 7 now and it's still awesome

moby323 · 1 year

When my sister was learning to talk I would teach her jingles.

So my mom would come home and the baby would randomly sing shit like:

"WOW! What a difference- Blockbuster Video. WOW!"

Yalith · 1 year

I have taught my one-year-old daughter to say "DEAD BY DAWN!" in preparation for Hallowe'en. It's creepier than I had intended.

xavius457 · 1 year

I taught my 16 month old son that "the ninja" says "shhhhhhhhhh" with a finger up to his mouth. He also does the robot says beep boop, and I'm working on the zombie saying "brainnnnnsss" and the mad scientists saying "MWAHAHAHAHAHA". Who needs cows saying moo and sheep saying baa?

ErikF · 1 year

I got my 5yo & 9yo nieces to call me Uncle Booger just because I knew it would bug the hell out of my sister. Five years later the name has stuck and it still bugs my sister. Win-Win!

Elephant_Gun · 1 year

I taught a 2 year old at a potluck to give people the double thumbs-up and say "VERY NIZE!"

olafthebent · 1 year

The pull my finger game.

When I first did it to my son, he thought it was the most awesome thing ever.

I used to catch him trying to pull his own finger

sbluetruck · 1 year

While playing MW2 on XBL:

random 12 year old: "HEY FAGGGGGGGSSSS YOU ALL ARE NEWBS"

random players with discernibly deeper voices: "ah fuck"

me: "hey kid, do you want to learn something?

random 12 year old: "I know EVERYTHING"

me: "how about two in the pink, one in the stink?"

random 12 year old: "what does that mean?"

me: "Oh I don't know" (just messing with him, peanut gallery having a blast)

random 12 year old now screaming: "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! WHAT DOES TWO IN THE PINK, ONE IN THE STINK MEAN?"

ten seconds later

** S L A P ! ! ! **

mom: "WHO told you that?"

The kid was never heard from again...

TL;DR: Taught a 12 year old how to get bitchslapped for using the shocker incorrectly.

ohshibby44 · 1 year

When I was younger my parents taught me a slightly different version of "I'm a little tea-pot"...

"I'm a little tea-pot short and stout here is my handle, here is my spout, when I get all steamed up here me shout... Sock it to me baby, let it ALL hang out"

I thought that's how everyone did it for the longest time!

Pontiflakes · 1 year

[deleted]

HaroldPlease · 1 year

I taught my niece to go up to people and say "redrum" in the creepiest voice while holding out her index finger and moving it up and down.

It was great. She ended up doing it at social events and what not. Her mother was not very thrilled.

octave1 · 1 year

This 4 year old picked up on us saying "You're a fridge!" after someone said "Could you put this in the fridge?". We really went over board on it all day.

Couple hours later it's the kid's dinner time and mom is feeding him pasta. "There are penne, there are tortellini and these are fettucini!" as she points a forkful toward the kid's mouth, who just goes "... You're a fettucini!".

DarrenEdwards · 1 year

There was a cowboy, Stacey, that picked on a lot of the underclassmen in my high school (rural Montana). He must have been pissed off for being named Stacey. He would pull stupid stuff like hitting kids in the back of the head with heavy books, trip or knock books out of kids hands.
I got some of it but my oldest brother got picked on a lot by him.

My older brother would show Stacey's picture to my 3 year old brother and taught him to call him asshole.

Our neighbors were having their cattle branding. We and several other families helped out, including Stacey's family. After the work was done, we would come in for a huge lunch that wives cooked that morning.

The men were coming in and my little brother spots Stacey. In his loudest 3 year old voice that everybody heard,"Hey mom! It's ASSHOLE, with a hat on!"

QuestionTheAnswer · 1 year

I taught my nephew the same thing my brother (his father) taught me when I was young: If someone presses your belly button, your butt will fall off.

randall82 · 1 year

If you teach a child the fist bump, make sure they know to make it 'asplode after.

vitiate · 1 year

A plague on both your houses <- We taught my son to yell this at people when he was 3.

jbass357 · 1 year

i'm 28. my nephews are 7, 3, and .3. the oldest and the middle child and i are insane together. the past year, every time they come over we play TF2 and L4D 1-2.

fast forward to the present. now, when ever we go out as a family; the kids and i yell taunts and catch phrases from each game. its hilarious.

example: i visit with my sister and they run into the room screaming "im on fire, help me!" "meeeeedic!" "mom!(little brothers name) is sapping my sentry" and the classic "stand still, i'm patching you up". my favorite is watching the little one fall to the floor asking for someone to help him up. haha, he just collapses. then the oldest comes up to him and starts "patching him up"

i love valve. and my nephews. when they're well behaved. :P

reodd · 1 year

I taught my nephews the "heads, shoulders, knees, and toes" song backwards (they touch their toes, knees, shoulders, and head in that order.

Now that I have twin daughters, I will teach one to do it correctly and the other to do it opposite for extra mind blowing goodness.

Autodidactic · 1 year

When my oldest was about 3 (he's 13 now) I taught him to hold his index finger up and flex it down while saying "Green Rum, Green Rum."

A few days later he was doing that in front of me and my brother and my brother asked me what was up with that and I replied with a straight faced "I dunno, I think he may be color blind."

It worked just the way I planned :)

gaoshan · 1 year

This isn't something I taught a kid but I figure the odds of a post named "What's the funniest thing you taught an elderly Chinese woman to do?" are pretty slim so here it is:

I taught my 70 year old mother-in-law (who speaks not a word of english) to say, "Yo, whussup my homie!?" while throwing a faux gang sign. I told her it was how you said "Hello" to Americans.

She eventually found out what it really meant and says she doesn't trust me to teach her English anymore. She's a smart lady.

dothatagainpls · 1 year

Taught my baby cousin how to scratch his head and say, "MY BALLS ITCH!" haha

faresende · 1 year

I taugh a 3 year old to use "slave" instead of "please". It would go something like "Pass me the backpack, slave"

slowshot · 1 year

I spent 2 days working with my son to perfect armpit farts just before the first day of first grade. He was the First Grade Hero for most of the year. When we went to the first parent/teacher conference, the teach just GLARED at me for the entire 15 minutes, and I just smiled back. The wife was totally clueless as to why the teacher was less than cordial to the 2 of us.

nunobo · 1 year

This thread makes me look forward to having children about 100 time more than I already did.

notsothrowaway · 1 year

i taught my neighbor the ultimate comeback to his older, 18 year old sister. Whenever she tells him to stop doing something, tell her, "Stop being so sexually frustrated." It's caused him more trouble than it has resolved.

TheArchduchess · 1 year

Not me, but my brother taught his now-ex-gf's 2-year-old son to spank hams and turkeys in supermarkets. I will continue to carry on this tradition.

funkmon · 1 year

Taught my nephew to insult people by calling them "pinko commies"

middlegeek · 1 year

We "trained" our buddy's 4 year you to reply to any question like, "How are you" or "How are you doing?" with...

"Just livin' the dream, baby. Just living the dream."

It was hilarious when the 60 year old cashier asked him.

supple · 1 year

Something similar. My buddy's two-year-old and I now elbow bump into a high five.

We say "bump" and she sticks her elbow out and goes, "bup!"

f33r3x · 1 year

Borderline child abuse:

I convinced my niece that my name is Mommy. (I'm her uncle)
I taught her real words for wrong things. Not just a few silly words, but major common words. Like water is cake. Hungry is fluffy. Thirsty is angry. She would walk around saying "I'm Angwy! IM ANGWY! CAAAAKE!"
And the one that got me in the most trouble: I don't have sippy cups at my house so I gave her my flasks filled with apple juice and we went to the zoo. Looooottts of mean/concerned looks from other parents.

curomo · 1 year

I taught my daughters to use the word cracker in place of white.

As in, the colors of the American flag are Red, Cracker, and Blue.

My ex-wife didn't find that nearly as funny as I did. (in retrospect, that probably a perfect example of why we didn't work out)

Greflin · 1 year

I taught my youngest son that when he farts it's a duck. Now he runs up to people. rips one off, and asks them what it was. Then yells, No! It's a duck! he was one and a half when he learned this. Still does it at 2 and a half. Good times.

freiheitzeit · 1 year

Not really 'taught' so much as it is 'instigated':

A few summers back I worked as a Camp Counselor on Catalina Island. One day a group (about six) of 10yr old boys saw me purchasing a Snickers bar and thus decided they would beg me to give it to them. I informed the troops that only he who could perform for me a 'Truffle Shuffle' would be the recipient of the Snickers Bar.

Cue a herd of pre-pubescent boys trying their best to imagine and perform a Truffle Shuffle (awkward renditions of the Macarena, some sort of Island Fu karate move, etc.) before wandering away in their failure.

About 30 minutes later this skinny little Asian kid, definitely more Data than Chunk, comes up to me and says, "Kraken^, is this right?" and proceeds to lift his shirt and do his best attempt (having 0% body fat) at a Truffle Shuffle. Damn kid probably needed the Snickers bar more than he wanted it.

Needless to say- I was partially responsibly for teaching a skinny little kid how to do the Truffle Shuffle AND IT WAS AWESOME.

^ it was a hippie camp so we all had marine inspired camp names: Dolphin, Flounder, Garibaldi, Sea Horse and then the resident asshat counselors Kraken and Patches the Pirate who would instigate mock sea battles against the one another's campers.)

Dogslug · 1 year

Thanks to me, my nephew's first full sentence was "Eat a shit dumpling."

drunksurf · 1 year

If you ask my 2 year old what noise a cow makes, she goes, "Moo." If you ask her what noise a shark makes, she goes, "Duh-dump... Duh-dump."

antibios · 1 year

I taught my step-son this joke:

Knock-knock

Who's there?

I eat mop

I eat mopwho?

:P

zombarista · 1 year

I taught a family friend's 3 year old to say "I've got diarrhea," so that people would stop tickling him.

Unfortunately, he didn't fully remember how it went so he ran around all day saying "I GOTS THE DIARRHEA!"

feng_huang · 1 year

Not me, but a former co-worker taught his young nephew to say, "It puts the lotion on its skin" as he applied sunscreen.

punctual · 1 year

When I was a teenager, I taught my 5-year old cousin to sing Aqualung. It was so hilarious when he was shouting "SITTING ON A PARK BENCH.." in his little kid voice in front of his pretentious parents who constantly expected him to act like a perfect mini-adult. I am the female variety of human, which makes it worse, somehow.

bubblebomb · 1 year

This is a little questionable, as much naughtiness can result. A little-known trick involving bubble gum and soda or fruit juice.

Get some bubble action going. Get those bubbles nice. Now sip that soda - don't swallow! Now blow a bubble and make the soda go inside as you do it.

Now take it out of your mouth and throw it at someone or something.

Acidophilus · 1 year

My little sister is developmentally disabled and non-verbal at the age of 17. When she was about 12 I taught her to do the five then fist bump. Now whenever she meets someone she gives them a five and then puts the fist out for a pound.

mister_credulous · 1 year

I didn't directly teach her this, but last night when it dawned on me that the tune my 6 year old daughter had been humming for the last 5 minutes was the Imperial March (i.e. Vader's theme) I have to say I was pretty proud. I hope she keeps that for her personal soundtrack forever.

marshal_mellow · 1 year

I taught a 2 year old that when sitting next to women you should pretend to yawn and put your arm around them.

His fake yawn is adorably bad.

CrazyBalls · 1 year

My friends 3yr old daughter was playing with a box of band aids. My friend saw this and then took them away so she wouldn't ruin them all. Her daughter followed her and asked if she could please have a band aid. I lack any proper parenting skills so immediately said "You need to have a cut, or be hurt to have a band aid...come here so I can smack you around a bit" She of course is used to me saying crap like this so she didn't pay much attention...or so I thought. 10 mins later I'm talking to my friend when she makes the 'OMG WTF?' face, followed by her daughter saying "Can Boo Bear have a band aid please"

My friend said her daughter walked out of her room with the bear and then slammed the bears head into the wall and asked for a band aid. I can't say that I taught her this but I definitely fueled the idea. I'm a little terrified that she concocted this plan on her own tho.

ethos85 · 1 year

I taught my my 3 year old cousin to say "dont go against the family" in a raspy Godfather voice every time his older brother argued with his parents.

My cousin would selectively say it at the times where his brother was the most distressed to exacerbate his suffering and make their parents laugh at the same time. In his world, this was the best thing ever.

huck08 · 1 year

I taught my 11-year-old cousin how to get out of shopping trips with his mother. Now whenever they're at the mall/grocery store/etc. he will lag behind her a short distance, walk with a subtle limp, and say (in a highly slurred voice), "Mama, please don't leave me again. I'll be good this time."

Great times had by all (and by all I mean my cousin and I).

The_Swazzler · 1 year

I hang out with my brother and 2 year old nephew every Tuesday. We take him to different places each week but we've taken him to a Chucky Cheese type place a few times. He's very excited to go. We refer to it as '7th Heaven' in the hopes he'll start calling it that too. 7th Heaven is the name of the seedy strip club in town.

[deleted] · 1 year

Extremely relevant and fucking adorable

MeatSwinger · 1 year

About two miles from where I live there's a museum-quality, shit hole of a house. There must be four generations of rednecks living in the place. The front yard is indistinguishable from a dump - mangy dogs, cars on blocks, moldy mattresses, no grass, etc.

Whenever my kids were with me, I'd slow down and point out the place where mommy's first boyfriend lives. This went on for months. Then one day my wife asks me why the kids think her first boyfriend lived in the shit hole.

It turns out my kids were telling anyone who would listen, friends, neighbors, teachers, classmates, etc. where Mommy's first boyfriend lived.

yellowstuff · 1 year

When a reporter asked Gaylord Perry's 5-year-old daughter if her father threw a spitball, she replied, "It's a hard slider."

Wolfmanatee · 1 year

I've never been more proud of myself, or anyone else, than when I taught my 9-year-old cousin to spam Dhalsim's long arm attack in Street Fighter 2. Later, my uncle ended up throwing the controller across the room after losing several matches in a row to a child. Uncle pauses, reflects for a moment, and pats my cousin on the head and says, "Good job, [name-y]," stands up, and leaves the room with his shoulders slumped.

SomethingWonderful · 1 year

I sent these to my nieces one year. One of them was about 2 years old at the time and learning all kinds of new words.

Imagine my delight when I come to visit and she is running all over chanting, "Dysentery, dysentery, dysentery!!"

Imagine my shock when she ran up to my Grandmother and said "Uncle {SomethingWonderful} gave me dysentery!"

ordinaryagent · 1 year

My buddy taught his 4-year-old to say "I smell a lawsuit!" after falling down.

flipperbomb · 1 year

Way before "The Office" and pop culture in general ruined the phrase, I taught a three year old kid to say "that's what she said" after everything anyone said. His mother was not impressed.

Also, when I was working with Autistic kids, I had one that bore a striking resemblance to Ray Charles. I taught him to sing "Hit the Road Jack" from start to finish. His parents reacted a little better.

ultralame · 1 year

My five-year-old daughter knows the correct answers to the following questions:

What's the first rule of Fight Club?
What's the second rule of Fight Club?
What's the average velocity of an unladen swallow?
Float like a butterfly...
Who run Bartertown?
I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition...
You down with OPP?

If you ask my 2-year-old daughter, "Tell me about The Dude." she responds "The Dude abides. The dude abides."

pananda · 1 year

I taught my 2 year old niece to talk like a demon at the dinner table. She turned to her mom, made a face, and said "TACOS" in a demonic voice one night.

Kayge · 1 year

A friend's kid, and it was a group (and unplanned) lesson.

When the phone rings:
"Phone is winging...oh my god."

candis2k6 · 1 year

I taught a girl how to play 'faceball' its where I throw a plush ball and she catches it with her face. Her mom was NOT amused. I also taught her to say "You're SKINNY!" to me after each successful catch.

epicviking · 1 year

I taught a summer math class for rising 5th-6th graders. They were bored one day so I taught them a funny trick. Basically if you spin around in circles and then reverse directions and spin around for about as many times in the opposite direction, the dizziness is neutralized. has to do with fluid in the inner ear sloshing about. The kids ate it up and as I walked around the school during the day I saw all these kids spinning around and teaching their friends to spin around. They were falling over left and right. I was tremendously entertained.

hidetheclown · 1 year

That when the Ice Cream van is playing music, it is out of ice cream.

stereotypicalasian38 · 1 year

"Badger badger badger badger, mushroom mushroom!"

... well, I thought it was funny.

techmaster242 · 1 year

I didn't do this, but I witnessed it. I'm probably going to hell just for even being in the room when this happened...but a few years ago at work, the building our office was in had a Christmas party for all of the tenants. One of the companies in the building had this kid show up. I don't know the full story of who he was or why he showed up, but let's just say he was a teenager, in a wheelchair. And, he was severely retarded, and there was something wrong with him where he could not even look at anything. His eyes would just kind of blankly wander around the room.

So, these guys at this other company put on this whole act to make the kid feel better about himself. They said they were some kind of top secret agency of spies, and that the retarded kid was their boss. They were sending fake faxes and stuff and I guess just trying to make his life better for a day. So, they start talking, and come up with an idea to give him an old cell phone that nobody was using any more. "Here, we got you a cell phone." and they hand him one of the very first generation blackberry cell phones. You know, the one that was the size of a frisbee.

His reaction was priceless and he was like "WOW, guys, this is awesome! Thanks!!!" Everybody felt really good about themselves at this point, thinking "man for the next 5 minutes this kid is going to feel like he's on top of the world, and then forget he even has a cell phone." Yeah, well...it didn't take long for him to start asking questions. "Where's the charger?"

The whole room went silent, nobody has a clue of how to handle this situation...but then one guy speaks up. "Naw, man, that's one of those new cell phones. It doesn't use a charger, you just put it in the freezer for a few hours."

The kid says "Wow, that is awesome! Thanks guys!" I think everybody in that room is probably going to go to hell now, but I still can't help but chuckle when I think about his parents opening the freezer one day, and find a cell phone sitting on top of a bag of peas, "WHAT IS THIS!?"

jebucha · 1 year

I taught them to eat jello with a straw.

Ciacco · 1 year

I believe kids are the best puppets known to man: fist bumps with an obligatory 'blow it up', chest bumps, saying "peace out!" when leaving daycare, calling chuck e cheese 'charles e fromage', saying 'yeeeaahh, boyyeee' like flav, singing baa baa black sheep to bad romance. I'm a great dad. :).

(oh yeah, and I only have girls so these seems even less appropriate now...)

Ewalk · 1 year

I taught my 6 year old nephew to say "Derp" instead of "duh". As is, "What color is the sky?" "The sky is blue, Derp."

Aplodontia · 1 year

Once taught a bunch of kids in my car the lyrics to "Rain Dogs". Then, in their best Tom Waits, they all sang in chorus while waiting in line for Slurpees at the 7-11. It was magical.

toinfinitiandbeyond · 1 year

I taught my two year how to say "inconceivable". I wish I had video of it she was so cute saying it.

ddixonr · 1 year

Taught two year old cousin to say in a southern accent, "what the hell, bobby?"

TenBeers · 1 year

This happened to me, can I still post here?

Well, I'm gonna anyway.

When I was 2-3 years old, and just learning to talk, my moms roommate, Laurie, taught me the "most 2 important rules in life"

** Bon Jovi rules! **
Bring Lorie a beer.

So there's three year old me, can barely talk, can barely walk, stumbling around the house with a beer pumping my little fist in the air screaming "Bondobee Woos"

In retrospect, how the fuck did I not end up in the CPS system?

darkry · 1 year

I was out with a friend and his 3 year old daughter and she was drinking milk. She had a mouth full with her cheeks puffed out and looked at me so I made puffed cheeks and then smacked my mouth on either side with my hands. She immediately turned to her dad and smacked her cheeks shooting milk all over his face.

So much reward for so little effort :)

splattypus · 1 year

few years ago, we taught my buddys niece to brush her shoulder off. it was pretty pimp.

unclesmackass · 1 year

Apparently, I somehow taught my 5 year-old niece to say "what the fuck are you looking at, bitches" to old ladies in the supermarket who comment on her cuteness.

mcglade83 · 1 year

My 19 month old niece hysterically laughs at you when you sneeze...shes gonna be great in school...

sonofarex · 1 year

Dayman, aaahhhAAAHHHHaaahhh, fighter of the nightman, aaahhhAAAHHhaaahh, champion of the sun

MissTre · 1 year

Once, we were out to dinner with my sister and her family. While they were all away from the table, my niece (4) jokingly stabbed her food. She raised her hands over her head, held her fork in both hands, and then stabbed the food. She thought it was hilarious.

My boyfriend then quipped, "Tonight we dine in hell!" So we started teaching her to say that. The three of us were laughing so hard, when everyone returned the table no one could understand what we were saying.

A few days later, my niece innocently asked my sister, "What does tonight we dine in hell mean?"

We still try to get her to say it, but now she gives me that "you're going to be my crazy aunt, aren't you?" look.

JiminyPiminy · 1 year

My little 4 year old brother imitates murlocs. It's adorable.

Roziere · 1 year

On my street, we had a neighbor boy who was about 4 years younger than me. His older brother was profoundly autistic, so all the kids/families on the street took him under their wing.

We got him to tell his teacher on the first day of school that he's "straight out of Compton."

Also, he came over to my house a lot, and my dad would hang out the kid while he did yard work. He let the boy play with the house and spray random things. He got the kid to believe that he was 'Water Man' and could spray away evil. I guess a few weeks later, a baby sitter was watching the boy and his brother. He went outside, got the hose, brought it inside and sprayed the babysitter in the face saying "I'M THE WATERMAN!"

fegiflu · 1 year

Not my kid but... Funny and cute

nint22 · 1 year

My entire family is French living in France, so they don't know much english. I taught my little cousin the world for "Seal" (the animal) in French while we were going through an animals book.

In French the word is "phoque", which is pronounced like "Fuck" (with a deeper "oh" sound than "uckh" sound - that's how French works my friends!). Fuck yeah.

rogre78 · 1 year

Taught my 2 yo nephew to point at people's mole's and say "Mole Freckle". It comes out as "Mo' Fucka"

[deleted] · 1 year

I taught my 2 1/2 year old to run into a room and shout "Spoon!"

My mother-in-law thinks I'm freaking crazy.

redditorInIreland · 1 year

Whenever the moon is visible, my 2 year son old announces (as most small children will do) 'look, the moon'. I taught my 4 year old daughter this reply: 'That's no moon'. Wife and myself would laugh at this. This was fine for a while until my 6 year old son began to object, claiming that it certainly was the moon. Then 2 year old adapted his own observations to 'look, no moon'.

soggit · 1 year

I taught my nephew (3 years old) to do the Gob Bluth chicken impression.

hellvetican · 1 year

I taught my 6 year old brother to say 'Pain is temporary, glory is eternal' and that this would be an appropriate answer to any question he doesn't understand.

uberscheisse · 1 year

one of my students (korean ESL student) was complaining about one of her friends who had gong-ju byeong, or "princess disease", but that she wasn't pretty.

I taught her to say "She has a face like a bag of hammers" and "She has a face like a bulldog chewing on a wasp".

wokmichel · 1 year

Flip off other drivers on the highway from his baby seat.

bendanger · 1 year

taught my coworkers 8 year old son to draw pentagrams and inverted crosses. He now does it on everything. She is "unhappy" about this.

1 year

[deleted]

bedford10 · 1 year

I taught my niece to say to her dad "you my bitch!" She was 3 then, it was funny then, and it's funny now. Also, according to her, Uncle bedford10 drinks all the beer (im 19). Now I have to work on my nephew.

cydril · 1 year

Not me, but I knew some pretty redneck people from North Georgia that taught all their kids that cats were called dogs and dogs were called cats, just to fuck with them and laugh about it when they were finally corrected at school.

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