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What kind of post-its would you find on Satan's desk? (self.AskReddit)

submitted ago by FuzzyWuz

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[–]SquirrelWolfOwlCat 509 points510 points ago

Fiddle Lesson 1:30.

[–]roobarb_pie 35 points36 points ago

Note to self: 2 week holiday in Georgia for $400. Look into.

[–]CaidenTheGreat 81 points82 points ago

I always thought Satan was the better fiddler in that song anyway..

[–]couldbewrong 61 points62 points ago

It wasn't a fair contest. Satan had the bass rippin shit up during his part.

[–]psykulor 67 points68 points ago

What always got me was, why would he admit defeat? There was no judge or jury, just his word against Jonny's. Dude coulda played Turkey in the Straw and then been like, "I win, if you disagree too fuckin' bad, I'm the devil."

[–]LesterRoyale 80 points81 points ago

I think the combination of the fact that the Devil is 100% evil and the fact that he's also 100% honest is pretty scary.

[–]kevin24lg 30 points31 points ago

You know I was watching a movie recently that featured the devil and he made a very good point. You figure the Satan was an outcast, forsaken by God and rejected from Heaven. If that is true, why would he torture people all the time? If I wanted all the cool people to be on my team, I wouldn't torture them, I'd offer them a reality of awesome music, cool drugs, booze and women (if they wanted it). If I was trying to build an army to beat god, I wouldn't torture my troops. They'd want to win for me, because I'm awesome.

[–]zilxy 28 points29 points ago

The whole evil satan and the fiery pits of hell always sounded like propaganda to me. I wonder if there was ever something that told the other side of the story. Maybe god was the bad guy and people have been worshiping the wrong one this whole time. History is written by the victors and all that.

[–]golfjunkie 5 points6 points ago

That would make a really cool movie.

[–]LikesBallsDeep 6 points7 points ago

Slightly related storyline in the Golden Compass/Amber Spyglass/Subtle Knife trilogy of books.

Great books, its a shame the first movie flopped and they probably won't make the rest.

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      [–]gnorty 8 points9 points ago

      Apparently there is some ancient covenant around soul stealing, whereby the victim must be given a fair chance to avoid it. It doesn't matter whether the contest is equal (ie it could be a red skin contest between, say, the devil and Emo Phelps) but so long as it is fair (ie no cheating).

      This means that When the Devil realised he was fairly beaten in the fiddle contest, he had a stark choice to make. Pull rank and claim the soul anyway, or admit defeat. Pulling rank would invoke the clause mentioned before, meaning the soul was worthless. It would also render the Devil illegible to partake in future soul stealing events. Many commentators believe it could also imply that previous contests were unfair (as the Devil has a propensity to cheat if beaten) and thus render past soul captures illegal, and leaving the Devil liable to forfeit these souls also.

      So that's why.

      tl;dr Devil law

      [–]DistractedScholar 6 points7 points ago

      He was being nice to Johnny.

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        [–]signorafosca 18 points19 points ago

        Concurred. Fun fact: the "evil hiss" sound was made by dragging a cello bow across the strings of a grand piano.

        [–]QuakerArmyOfOne 4 points5 points ago

        http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thirty-nine-questions-for-charlie-daniels-upon-hearing-the-devil-went-down-to-georgia-for-the-first-time-in-25-years

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          [–]pibble 8 points9 points ago

          I want to hear the person who teaches Satan the fiddle. That would be a hell of a show.

          [–]SquirrelWolfOwlCat 13 points14 points ago

          They say Niccolo Paganini sold his soul to the devil. I'm assuming this was actually the deal that went down.

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            [–]scottbtaylor333 7 points8 points ago

            He rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man!

            [–]topgun137 7 points8 points ago

            best so far

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              [–]Thousands_of_Spiders 211 points212 points ago

              "Get more pineapples"

              [–]bobbybusche 50 points51 points ago

              Yes.

              [–]SenTedStevens 24 points25 points ago

              You're schnerious?

              [–]blackout30 4 points5 points ago

              I dont even need to watch it in class. I know what it is

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                [–]jonwithoutanh 6 points7 points ago

                This deserves more love.

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                  [–]whackfoo 78 points79 points ago

                  "Pam from accounting called, says were being audited. Call back at ext. 374."

                  [–]Sic1337 18 points19 points ago

                  ext. 666

                  [–]WhizardHat 75 points76 points ago

                  Wouldn't that be Stan's extension?

                  EDIT: Mis-spelled the dark lord's name. Leaving it.

                  [–]whackfoo 29 points30 points ago

                  Nah that's his birth name

                  [–]giacomo135 23 points24 points ago

                  stan from marketing?

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                    [–]Spmurphy 5 points6 points ago

                    I think someone else has that Extension.

                    [–]stamatt45 63 points64 points ago

                    "March 1st" - Pay rent for Jack Black and Kyle Gass

                    [–]Green-Knickers 5 points6 points ago

                    i laughed hard. probably my favourite so far.

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                      [–]whackfoo 109 points110 points ago

                      "Order more handbaskets"

                      [–]wnoise 9 points10 points ago

                      "Sell the handbaskets that people keep arriving in."

                      FTFY

                      [–]shutupcrime_please 91 points92 points ago

                      "DVR Whitney tonight"

                      [–]whackfoo 15 points16 points ago

                      Wouldnt it be "dinner at whitneys tonight"?

                      [–]shutupcrime_please 11 points12 points ago

                      Nope. That would prevent her from making more of her show, thus lessening the suffering of all good human beings, accomplishing the opposite of Satan's agenda.

                      [–][deleted] 91 points92 points ago

                      club baby seals at 3pm, go clubbing at Baby Seal at 9pm.

                      [–]MyNameIsChar 30 points31 points ago

                      Club Seal at 10:30.

                      [–]JCD4 36 points37 points ago

                      Club a baby with Seal at 14:00.

                      [–]giacomo135 25 points26 points ago

                      go clubbing with a baby seal at 15:30

                      [–]hurdy_gurdy_man 30 points31 points ago

                      Club Seal's baby at 16:30

                      [–]DistractedScholar 23 points24 points ago

                      Club Seal with a baby 17:30

                      [–]PaoloJMalmsteen 14 points15 points ago

                      Go clubbing with Seal at 18:00. Ask him what the fuck happened to his face.

                      [–]signorafosca 7 points8 points ago

                      He got clubbed, clearly.

                      load more comments (1 reply)

                        [–]MinneapolisNick 41 points42 points ago

                        "10:45-- delay release of Half Life 3"

                        [–]aznkidx 43 points44 points ago

                        Check on status of John Constantine.

                        [–]Abbithedog 37 points38 points ago

                        Thermostat is working again. A/C is back on.

                        Make sure to call and get that problem fixed.

                        [–]stumpyoftheshire 71 points72 points ago

                        Owe $10 to L Ron Hubbard. He was right, they did believe that shit.

                        [–]VonCornhole 103 points104 points ago

                        I read 1/2 of these thinking this was Santa's desk. Was thoroughly confused.

                        [–]ShootinWilly 12 points13 points ago

                        Drop Schwartz Piet at Bieber's house with rope, handcuffs, etc.; *Justin's been a good boy.

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                          [–]SManSpiff 33 points34 points ago

                          "Get more flame-proof post-it notes"

                          [–]StormKid 211 points212 points ago

                          "Remind god that the guy who killed Hitler needs to go to heaven."

                          [–]meelar 55 points56 points ago

                          I see what you did there.

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                            [–]gallbladder895 140 points141 points ago

                            REMINDER:

                            Boxing match with Jesus next Tuesday @8. Place bet against self. Throw match. Profit!

                            [–]eltuskio91 193 points194 points ago

                            Prophet*

                            [–]klsi832 12 points13 points ago

                            REMINDER:

                            God will never ask for your password or billing information.

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                              [–]LeVampirate 30 points31 points ago

                              "Need to find woman named Margarita for ball soon."

                              [–]situbusitgooddog 2 points3 points ago

                              This will be lost here but it deserves more. Have my single upvote by way of measly compensation.

                              [–]poorlyObfuscated 4 points5 points ago

                              Professor Woland?

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                                [–]bluefeesh 27 points28 points ago

                                "Youngest kardashian girls called back. Eager to discuss contract"

                                [–]dingulberi 112 points113 points ago

                                Contact Sandler about new script.

                                [–]anderton 14 points15 points ago

                                Or Shyamalan....

                                [–]gemmink 23 points24 points ago

                                1:30 steal one sock from dryer.

                                [–]Coldhardt 50 points51 points ago

                                "Get rid of lawyers - too crowded"

                                [–]yeeeeeeaaah 151 points152 points ago*

                                ( •_•)>⌐■-■
                                looks like you aren't a fan of

                                (⌐■_■)
                                devil's advocates

                                [–]fuckingcaptcha 7 points8 points ago

                                You're a pretty cool guy, you know that? Pretty damn cool.

                                [–]signorafosca 2 points3 points ago

                                Beautiful

                                load more comments (1 reply)

                                  [–]jaspersgroove 4 points5 points ago

                                  TIL that lawyers get reincarnated as lawyers.

                                  [–]poet_will 58 points59 points ago

                                  "Password=1234"

                                  [–]I_Quote_Spaceballs 68 points69 points ago

                                  That's amazing! I have the same combination on my luggage!

                                  [–]adorith 17 points18 points ago

                                  Happy cake day! If you're ever in the neighbourhood I'll treat you to a nice can of air.

                                  [–]I_Quote_Spaceballs 11 points12 points ago

                                  Air! AIR!!!

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                                      [–]Lucky_Striker 18 points19 points ago

                                      "Password=666"

                                      [–]catherineruth 14 points15 points ago

                                      Steal more souls for the pit of gingers... They're getting hungry.

                                      [–]satans_dad 122 points123 points ago

                                      ಠ_ಠ

                                      [–]CGCWhitehat 8 points9 points ago

                                      Redditor for one year, lol.

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                                        [–]garypooper 40 points41 points ago

                                        Send more copies of Atlas Shrugged to socially awkward computer science students.

                                        [–]Quarok 5 points6 points ago

                                        boom

                                        [–]lLoveLamp 146 points147 points ago

                                        ''Mod r/atheism''

                                        [–]JMaboard 22 points23 points ago

                                        "Mod r/postitnotes"

                                        [–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

                                        "Troll r/politics"

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                                          [–]Whenthenighthascome 9 points10 points ago

                                          "Tell Gabriel to get his ass of my lawn"

                                          [–]SpringInJapan 22 points23 points ago

                                          Rubber Duckie shaped.

                                          [–]whackfoo 6 points7 points ago

                                          In one of those endless, slinky style pads.

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                                            [–]BowmanTheShowman 10 points11 points ago

                                            Renew Jersey Shore contract

                                            [–][deleted] 56 points57 points ago

                                            "Finish final mixes for new Bieber album."

                                            [–]InBetterHands 33 points34 points ago

                                            Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.

                                            [–]Scoopgoop 13 points14 points ago

                                            I really actually love this idea of satan having inspirational post its.. kudos.

                                            [–]CrackedPepper86 2 points3 points ago

                                            UP THERE!

                                            [–]TheMasque 1 point2 points ago

                                            If I were not lazy, I'd make a gif of Bormomir throwing Merry and Pippin across the gap in the suspiciously narrow bridge in Moria. I'd caption it "GET UP THERE" and use it on every picture where someone needed to get to the top.

                                            [–]halflife22 6 points7 points ago

                                            Schedule:

                                            10 - Bury neck deep in scorpions

                                            11:15 - Lava enemas

                                            12 - Pilates

                                            Now - Stabby stabby

                                            [–]Helen_A_Handbasket 58 points59 points ago

                                            Satan's Kills: 10
                                            Yahweh's Kills: Billions

                                            Note to self, get better at killing.

                                            [–]Mayan_Cat 8 points9 points ago

                                            TIL another one of God's names.

                                            [–]itsallonme 20 points21 points ago

                                            Many Jewish people don't feel comfortable saying "Yahweh" because it is "the true name of god" and is very sacred. They usually substitute Adonai or G-d.

                                            [–]Wiles89 5 points6 points ago

                                            Here you go.

                                            [–]Mayan_Cat 7 points8 points ago

                                            Tetragrammaton

                                            Sounds like some kind of transformer or pokemon, lol.

                                            [–]The_Body 5 points6 points ago

                                            Look up Metatron.

                                            [–]bhig3 4 points5 points ago

                                            Or Equilibrium :D

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                                              [–]ectric 13 points14 points ago

                                              A reminder to call Saddam Hussein back.

                                              [–]gallbladder895 16 points17 points ago

                                              And another reminder to break up with Chris.

                                              [–]rainbownerdsgirl 12 points13 points ago

                                              I know where the bad girls live ;)

                                              edited to add : I thought this said Santa but I guess it applies to both

                                              [–]SquirrelWolfOwlCat 4 points5 points ago

                                              spacedicks ideas.

                                              [–]huggableplum 20 points21 points ago

                                              Orgy @ Washington memorial w/ santorum, and fox & friends

                                              3/03/12?

                                              [–]poundingbassline 21 points22 points ago

                                              'Send Whitney welcoming basket'

                                              [–]shutupcrime_please 3 points4 points ago

                                              Is that how it is?

                                              [–]BackBreaker 26 points27 points ago

                                              Your George W Bush costume is ready from the dry cleaning

                                              [–]jonaas 12 points13 points ago

                                              "Get in touch with Rebecca Black's agent by Friday"

                                              [–]IIPhoKingII 6 points7 points ago

                                              Lunch with Cheney 12:45

                                              [–]ksozay 5 points6 points ago

                                              "Reminder - Bank of America managers meeting at 4:00"

                                              [–]CORBED 2 points3 points ago

                                              Relevant

                                              [–]kcmagnumopus 4 points5 points ago

                                              Ask Don Juan if he wants to come back, but don't look desperate.

                                              [–]801_chan 3 points4 points ago

                                              "Appear behind Romney, 6 o'clock. High-five Putin, 9 o'clock."

                                              [–]InsightfulOpinion 5 points6 points ago

                                              "Harvest Virgins"

                                              [–]Dynamaxion 5 points6 points ago

                                              Remember to thank the Republican Party for all its assistance

                                              [–]Proxify 13 points14 points ago

                                              • Take trip to Georgia
                                              • Fiddle fight that Johnny kid

                                              [–]gbimmer 4 points5 points ago

                                              "Increase subscriptions to /r/atheism by 20% this quarter."

                                              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

                                              have unprotected gay sex with Jerry Falwell at 6

                                              [–]SergeantWalrus 1 point2 points ago

                                              Love Hitler

                                              [–]PaoloJMalmsteen 2 points3 points ago

                                              You kind of asked for it

                                              [–]CavitySearch 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Get permission from Rick Santorum to go to work today."

                                              [–]stickdudeseven 4 points5 points ago

                                              Reminder: Switch to propane.

                                              [–]jalisama 1 point2 points ago

                                              Pick up milk on the way home.

                                              [–]TactfulEver 1 point2 points ago

                                              Remember to get more flame retardant post-its.

                                              [–]cloudbusting 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Gently reveal to world that I emptied out hell fifteen year ago for a bit of peace and quiet."

                                              [–]SuddenDeth 3 points4 points ago

                                              Rock-Off with Tenacious D.

                                              PS Get the POD

                                              [–]CGCWhitehat 3 points4 points ago

                                              Call Monster Cables. Get market monopoly plan started.

                                              [–]signorafosca 4 points5 points ago

                                              Don't forget to refill Rush's prescription.

                                              [–]neekneek 2 points3 points ago

                                              Note to self: REMIND HOUSEKEEPING TO KEEP CERBERUS OUT OF THE GARBAGE.

                                              Bury cerberus.

                                              Punish housekeeping.

                                              [–]TopScruffy 12 points13 points ago

                                              Ship freshly collected dandruff to Colombia

                                              [–]CndConnection 4 points5 points ago

                                              "Thank all the major religions for doing my work lol"

                                              [–]twitchwitches 5 points6 points ago

                                              4pm, distribute porn amongst the masses.

                                              5pm, send all the masses to hell for touching themselves.

                                              [–]lisabadcat 2 points3 points ago

                                              Santorum called AGAIN.

                                              [–]TheLast75 2 points3 points ago

                                              REMINDER: Get gas pipes fixed. It's too damn cold down here!

                                              [–]Harkaen 12 points13 points ago

                                              Proof that Hitler isn't in Hell. He'd be all over that!

                                              [–]BestBuyHD 1 point2 points ago

                                              Get new TV, HD not necessary

                                              [–]TherapeuticTherapist 2 points3 points ago

                                              Sandusky some kid with Ratzinger 4:00

                                              [–]Iceeagle401 0 points1 point ago

                                              Facebook Password:**********

                                              [–]Mortazel 2 points3 points ago

                                              The kind that don't stick...those are hell!

                                              [–]JCD4 2 points3 points ago

                                              Reminder: Sue Lauren Weisberger for slander.

                                              [–]redditsetgooo 0 points1 point ago

                                              Shove a pineapple up Hitler's ass 12:00.

                                              [–]sniqow 2 points3 points ago

                                              Summon Steve Jobs to fix broken computer...

                                              Meeting with Goldman Sachs board: Mon-4:30 Itinerary in suitcase.

                                              While you were out: your lawyer RE: Gordon Ramsay lawsuit

                                              As of today this week Nixons team has made 40,000 more santorum ballots...

                                              SOPA lobbyists need more money...

                                              [–]agentidaho 2 points3 points ago

                                              FIND SAM WINCHESTER!!

                                              [–]superbowlfunday 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Get in the details"

                                              "Acquire ownership of a food cake"

                                              [–]TheLittlestRed 1 point2 points ago

                                              Help Leo with Algebra @ 11 -bring pancake mix

                                              [–]jigby61 2 points3 points ago

                                              Get mole checked.

                                              [–]olivaw456 2 points3 points ago

                                              don't forget to recharge Snooki's battery

                                              [–]Verdris 1 point2 points ago

                                              Meeting @12 re: Justin Bieber's soul - exchange for fame

                                              [–]Komkast22 1 point2 points ago

                                              Reminder: Buy more post-its

                                              [–]monkeiboi 5 points6 points ago

                                              pre-order Modern Warfare 4

                                              [–]Quote_Master_3000 3 points4 points ago

                                              "Better the Devil you know than the Devil you don't." - Proverb

                                              [–]Hyper-bowl 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Tom Brady willing to renegotiate offer"

                                              [–]niggerdude 0 points1 point ago

                                              Let "The White Man" keep thinking that.

                                              [–]h2orat 2 points3 points ago

                                              Appear before Fred Phelps as a messenger from "That Guy Up There"

                                              [–]GiraffeAnd3quarters 1 point2 points ago

                                              Wadsworth constant = 0.3

                                              [–]Aaronman 0 points1 point ago

                                              Find out why Saddam doesn't love me.

                                              [–]seanconnery84 0 points1 point ago

                                              Help humans cure cancer...

                                              [–]Sevsquad 0 points1 point ago

                                              Scenes from a hat is my favortie whose line game!

                                              [–]DirtPile 1 point2 points ago

                                              Red ones.

                                              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

                                              Spike Gabe Newell's water with weight gain supplements.

                                              [–]fe3o4 0 points1 point ago

                                              Call Flip Wilson, did not make he do anything....

                                              [–]watchpigsfly 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Remember the milk"

                                              [–]Phaquebzech 1 point2 points ago

                                              Call Jennifer

                                              [–]TLGKyouko 1 point2 points ago

                                              Lost my Golden Fiddle. Put in order for a new one on Wednesday

                                              [–]spent9109 1 point2 points ago

                                              A Christmas List for all the pundits on FOXNEWS.

                                              [–]Merkury7 0 points1 point ago

                                              Slightly charred ones I'd imagine...

                                              [–]j_lane 0 points1 point ago

                                              imaginary post its

                                              [–]PENDRAGON23 0 points1 point ago

                                              smoldering

                                              [–]spik31 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Organise meeting with Hades including sirens..."

                                              [–]twitchwitches 0 points1 point ago

                                              gotta set flame to the fags at 3 pm, sharp. Don't forget the lemonade.

                                              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

                                              Step 1: Get Santorum elected.

                                              Step 2: Shit gets real.

                                              Step 3: Pick up dry cleaning.

                                              [–]olebroom 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Remember to vote sopa, acta and pipa"

                                              [–]ShootinWilly 1 point2 points ago

                                              Increase bonus for RIAA.

                                              [–]jonasperrin 1 point2 points ago

                                              Horseshoer appointment on wednesday.

                                              [–]IntensePancakes 0 points1 point ago

                                              -Make sure Rick Santorum wins US presidency

                                              [–]NotoriousFIG 0 points1 point ago

                                              Not a Post-It but a post-er: "Pobody's Nerfect"

                                              [–]sweata71 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Just try one, sweata71" written on this post it note

                                              [–]Never_Winter 1 point2 points ago

                                              Sunday Agenda: Purchase Glenn Beck's latest novel, "A Christmas Sweater," and a new sofa from IKEA.

                                              [–]jaspersgroove 1 point2 points ago

                                              S,

                                              Reps from Blizzard Ent. called again. They really want to get you in studio to finish that sequel. They may threaten legal action, so we've got Johnny Cochran on retainer for this one

                                              [–]RaveDigger 0 points1 point ago

                                              Dinner meeting with RaveDigger @ 6:66 PM.

                                              [–]screamingtree 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Need more hand sanitizer"

                                              [–]The_Flabbergaster 0 points1 point ago

                                              • Clean the lawyers out of the gutters

                                              • Rosie O'Donnell stopping over to borrow her soul on Thursday

                                              • Have rapists polish pitchfork

                                              [–]kipul 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Date with Saddam at 7"

                                              [–]Anticitizen_One 1 point2 points ago

                                              • Milk
                                              • Diapers
                                              • Beer
                                              • Pasta
                                              • Pineapples

                                              [–]emceegyver 1 point2 points ago

                                              Wed - 12:30pm - Lunch with Jesus

                                              Thurs - 6:00pm - Dinner with Xenu

                                              etc.

                                              "Bury more dinosaur bones"

                                              [–]burnzkid 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Finish paving Manson's road to Hell with gold."

                                              [–]goood-dog 0 points1 point ago

                                              milk 1/2 pint tea bags bin liners

                                              [–]boetbra1 -1 points0 points ago

                                              Evil ones.

                                              [–]TJ-sylar -1 points0 points ago

                                              To do: shove pineapple up Hitlers ass!

                                              [–]itisgoodtobetheking 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Buy Saddam flowers"

                                              [–]GirIsKing 1 point2 points ago

                                              delay Diablo III till after Mayan Apocalypse

                                              [–]ksozay 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Printer is out of ink again."

                                              [–]bobide 0 points1 point ago

                                              Improve reddit server uptime

                                              [–]ksozay 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Make every day feel like it's your last"

                                              [–]ksozay 0 points1 point ago

                                              "Girl Scout cookies - remember check"

                                              [–]Wh0rse 0 points1 point ago

                                              " break up with Saddam "

                                              [–]reliable_information 1 point2 points ago

                                              Get maintenance guy to fix heating.

                                              [–]teious 1 point2 points ago

                                              "Fire Ocean Marketing from our PR. Two thousand years of bad business. Torture whoever hired them."

                                              [–]dankheadies 0 points1 point ago

                                              1/2 tsp earthquake + 1 cup hot lava

                                              [–]alreadytakenistaken 0 points1 point ago

                                              My name, with bullet points on ways to fuck with my head.

                                              [–]DrDebG 1 point2 points ago

                                              Ones where the stickum doesn't work correctly, and they eat holes in whatever you stick them to.

                                              load more comments (71 replies)

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