Okay, so my daughter Gracie, who is nine and my oldest child, happens to be an extremely bright, mature, and thoughtful girl. She has always had a reputation for being wise beyond her years, is the best, most truthfully good person you could ever meet, immediately endears all who meet her, and everyone who knows her agrees that there is no one like her. And when I say she's bright, I mean it. She turned nine a week ago, but has a college level reading comprehension, as well as a vocabulary that would blow you away and what I suspect to be a photographic memory. But I'm a fool for my kids and could talk ages about them, so let me get back on track.

I did a really stupid thing last night and left my stash jar out. So I get up this morning and she's sitting at the computer and she turns to me and says, "Mom, I saw you hide that jar and I know what it was." Inside I'm freaking the hell out, but outside is total poker face.

I have to tell you, though, my first reaction I'm kind of ashamed of. Initially, my brain told me to tell her to shut the hell up and not bring it up again, which is what my mother did to me (it also included a slap in the face) when I was 15. I desperately strive to do things differently than my parents, though, so I told her to hold that thought and that we would talk about it in the evening after her brothers had gone to bed.

So I then spent the next 4 hours googling like a crazy lady. I knew that if I tried to lie to her, she would spot my bullshit a mile away and it would only hurt her. So I figured I would explain to her my stance on legalization; give her a long list of people she respects who have been known to use (Obama, who she has a huge crush on, and Shakespeare, who she is completely obsessed with, to name a couple); get factual and in depth about other drugs, including alcohol and tobacco, their addictive properties & legality vs. that of marijuana; and watch reefer madness with her. Lastly I saved the talk about adult responsibilities, decisions, and privileges. I explained that using drugs is a decision left up to an individual person, regardless of its legality or even which drug it is. I also gave her some more info on marijuana, including a lot about the medicinal side and the struggle over legalization. The last thing I told her was that there are five things that kids are NEVER supposed to do: smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, drive a car, have sex, and do drugs; and there are five things that adults are allowed to do: smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, drive a car, have sex, and choose to do drugs. I also reminded her that Oxford, which is her dream school, might not accept her with a possession arrest on her record.

But you guys, what I realized during this whole experience was pretty valuable. There is a whole world out there that is hiding from children (for good reason), but I've come to the conclusion that in some cases, it might be a good idea to prepare them for what awaits them. I don't know about you guys, but it seems distinctly possible that had I known more about drugs and their truths when I was testing the adult waters, I might have made some more informed decisions and saved myself a lot of crap.

tl;dr: my kid found my stash, so I prepared myself and leveled with her, and we both grew up a little in the process

Edit 1 : A lot of people want to know how my daughter reacted, so I'll give a little more info on that side: The first thing she asked me when we sat down to talk, literally before she said anything else, was if her dad knew I was doing drugs. And that seriously wounded me for a moment, because mentally I don't usually consider trees a drug (even though I realize that it is). It only took me a second to get over it, because I knew she only thought this because she was confused and uninformed, but it still hurt to know that my daughter spent the day thinking I was some sort of crazy drug addict. Anyway, as we got more into the facts she calmed down and became less nervous, but she really was pretty quiet most of the time, which was caused by two reasons, I think: A) This talk lasted almost four hours, so she was up until after midnight and VERY tired as a result, and B) She was overwhelmed and having to mentally work through the idea that a lot of what she had been told so far were lies and that her mom, who she was proud of for not drinking or smoking cigarettes, is actually a smoker of some kind. She did seem very surprised when I gave the numbers on substance-related deaths each year, and couldn't believe it when I told her marijuana does not cause death in its users like "drugs" are supposed to. I was reminded that kids are raised being taught misconceptions like that, and that if we hadn't had this talk, when she does finally come of age and is approached about trying something, she would still probably be holding on to a lot of those lies.

I just want to make it clear, also , that I in no way glamorized using marijuana to my daughter. My husband and I were very clear on its drawbacks and the fact that if abused or used by someone who isn't mature enough, using it can backfire. I can't even begin to fathom how many times we used the word 'responsibility'.

Edit 2 : Also, I home school my two older kids, so there is no worry about her taking D.A.R.E. and getting confused. Just thought I needed to make the distinction as it seems like a lot of people were wondering how I will handle the D.A.R.E. situation when it happens. It's not going to happen.