Actually, I'm not all that unique. There's /r/genderqueer even, it's just that everyone else seems to be different than me. Much like not really fitting in with the gays, I feel like not fitting in with the transgender folks is just an extension of being a drifting 23 year old with no idea about life. I also think I'd make a terrible candidate for assuaging fears of the non-queers because I'm too liminal. I mean, I didn't have a childhood full of repression, the gender issues just joined everything else I was too stupid or lazy to think about. I think maybe not having felt slings and arrows might be why I feel so disconnected with the people who have. Worse yet, in the end I'm presented with the choice of whether to go on hormones or not. Those slings and arrows of being a "tranny" and potentially facing violence aside, hormones castrate you, meaning my choices are to either look the way I want and feel comfortable with myself, or have children the natural way. But, of course, because of my vague and nebulous sexuality, I don't even know whether I'll settle down with a man or a woman, so I may not be having kids the natural way at all...

And it's not that I don't want to write. I really do, I just find myself unable to think about it and focus. I wrote 35k for NaNoWriMo, but then accidentally erased it. I keep trying to think about how to further that story, but I always get side tracked.

I walked 35 miles along Route 1 and most of the time I was either thinking "alright, time to think of my story, time to think. Yup, thinking time" or I was thinking about the walking that I was doing, wondering how far I was from something, or how far I'd come.

Maybe while everyone here is asleep, I should try writing... Might be worth it to at least try...