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What's the biggest non-sexual benefit of having a girlfriend/boyfriend? by littlebalooneyin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

Not being eaten by my cat if I slip and break my neck.

Wtf America... by wellykachtel1in WTF

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

It takes you a full minute to look at an image? WHAT DO YOU SEE THAT I DON'T?!

So AskReddit, get your throwaways ready! What are your prejudices? I'll start! by Inflatable_Sheepin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

So AskReddit, get your throwaways ready! What are your prejudices? I'll start! by Inflatable_Sheepin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 10 points11 points ago

Slow down, take a deep breath...

The Supreme Court has refused to take up a Boston University student's constitutional challenge to a $675,000 penalty for illegally downloading 30 songs and sharing them on the Internet. by EthicalReasoningin technology

[–]jesusmcpenis 8 points9 points ago

WTF, did you just repost someone else's comment word for word? Why? http://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/txm5e/the_supreme_court_has_refused_to_take_up_a_boston/c4qmobj

What's one instance of sexual exploration that you instantly regretted? by InstantPeeRegretin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

It will destroy your dick

i kind of want to do this. by GManEtchin gif

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

Thanks! Thats always good to hear.

I'm playing Fallout 2 as a stupid character named Lenny. I'm glad the game is on the joke. by jrrowein Fallout

[–]jesusmcpenis 14 points15 points ago

You see, white people have names like Lenny and black people have names like Carl.

I became a U.S. Citizen today and it feels like I arrived late in a party and there's no more cake and the music is dying and there's trash and some stray drunks around. Can reddit point out the things I should be grateful for and proud of that are special of America? by [deleted]in AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 2 points3 points ago

Don't get me wrong, the chips are stacked against you in this society. That said, no matter how bad things get for you in this country, you can almost always pull yourself back up as long as you realize the sacrifice and effort it will take. I've met so many people with stories where they either came from nothing and found a nice place in society through hard work, or friends of mine who lost almost literally everything and we're able to get back on their feet without resorting to anything TOO shitty.

Edit: and fast food portions are way bigger here, say what you will about obesity in the US, I love ordering a medium soda and being handed what a european would consider a bucket of Dr. Pepper.

i kind of want to do this. by GManEtchin gif

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

I <3 Pallet Jacks

i kind of want to do this. by GManEtchin gif

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

You sound like the kind of man who doesnt work with a pallet jack and know the joy that comes from speeding around a warehouse on a 150lb razor scooter. I'm sorry.

What is your longest 'dry spell'? by zakyopin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis -1 points0 points ago

Until Junior year of highschool, so about 16 years?

Even Swamp People know by leb0wskiin ArcherFX

[–]jesusmcpenis 2 points3 points ago

No the swamp's too dirty, it's full of whatever alligators shit out, which I can only assume IS PEOPLE!

I need to pass an emissions test... HELP! by DREWBICEin chicago

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

Ah good to know. I'm guessing the reason this trick works for me then is because my car is a '99.

I need to pass an emissions test... HELP! by DREWBICEin chicago

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

If you want to get the engine light to turn off briefly for the test, cut the power to the computer. Basically, pull up around the block from the testing center, disconnect your battery and let it sit for 5-10 minutes. When you reconnect the battery the computer errors will be reset and you can go get your test done before it comes back on.

Note, if your car is actually giving off really bad emissions the test might still find that. But if its just the engine light thats the problem, reset that shit.

Riot Fest Initial Lineup Announced! by subcultureartin chicago

[–]jesusmcpenis 6 points7 points ago

I think they like making music.

As a female ent, I'm sick of asshole dealers who think this is okay. by DisgruntledProlein trees

[–]jesusmcpenis 8 points9 points ago

They also we're doing their business before moving to Tor. So the cops already had them sighted and just followed them to the more secure network even though they already had a solid case against them.

My birthday present: Kevin by moretreeformein trees

[–]jesusmcpenis 6 points7 points ago

bummer that sounds like a perfect trick for me, except my stem is smaller than my bonghole. Oh well.

3
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Cyberpunk styled animated music video from Gotye (youtube.com)

submitted ago by jesusmcpenis to Cyberpunk

Maurice Sendak wouldn't have had a lot of karma on Reddit by wonderless2686in funny

[–]jesusmcpenis 8 points9 points ago

I hate to downvote a recently dead guy, but for the love of FSM capture the whole sentence if you're going to caption the whole sentence.

Creepy walnut by phreakinpherin Pareidolia

[–]jesusmcpenis 1 point2 points ago

looks like a petrified dog nose

edit: or the end of an elephants trunk

Love these dudes. by canineorthodoxin chicago

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

Thats ridiculous. People dislike things categorically all the time, and I'm sure you do as well. Personally, I don't like romance novels, reality TV, high heeled shoes, hate crimes, country music, and seafood etc. Oh, and birds.

Man, reading your comment you'd think I had posted something obscenely racist.

What are your tricks to falling asleep? by IntoTheMysticin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 0 points1 point ago

I make my bed fresh every night before I lay down. I've managed to Pavlov condition myself with this so that the act of making my bed will make me drowsy. Some nights I'll be playing games or something and decide to make my bed so i can just crawl right in when im ready. Almost every time I end up getting right in and going to sleep because of the conditioning.

Hey Reddit, what's something you would do, if you knew you couldn't/wouldn't get caught? by kdubsdubsin AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 2 points3 points ago

Steal the statue of liberty, and set it back up in a random field in Scotland.

I'm a newly graduated Funeral Director/ Embalmer... and I am working my first child funeral. I need a picture of Optimus Prime looking sad, or solemn. (The child LOVED O.P.). Would like to have him incorporated on the memorial folders... Google search offers no potential pictures. by lissa_morticiain AskReddit

[–]jesusmcpenis 4 points5 points ago

The risk is that if you ask them to find info thats in any way connected to yourself, they'll probably also figure out who you are and then fuck with you accordingly.

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