yeah, that sounds pretty bad. What i want you to do is go and count all of the things that you can be grateful for (like access to the internet!) this can be a very difficult task when you're down because you will probably have many state-dependent memories that will bring you down(push those motherfuckers out of yo head). as for being in the chair, well shit, i'm unaware of what your condition is but go for a walk everyday even if you feel as though you lack the motivation(assuming you can), be grateful you can walk for right then. as a cutter myself (clean for 2 years), i would like to ask if you are a writer or an artist as drawing and writing can help you chill out when you just wanna cut. always remember the good times. instead of sleeping, find a hobby, anything man (not harmful to you or others, obviously) shit i took up guitar because it kept me from cutting. as far as being depressed for most of your life, i can say i've been there as i was unhappy from the time my father left (7 years old) till i actually got professional help at 15. also, try poetry because people who are depressed write at their best.